I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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