WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He? As in you personified your dick?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize