im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
All the doctor said was why
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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