If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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