as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
