I just saw a hot homeless man
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
