if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
