You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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