Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
