I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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