did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just high enough for therapy.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
