grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
