in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
