my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
