So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
