2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
