They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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