Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
