Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
