This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
