Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
