you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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