when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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