did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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