you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
