do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
