i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
