Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
