I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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