I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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