2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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