Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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