I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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