I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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