You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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