I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
