He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
