Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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