He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
