He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
