Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
