the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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