Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
