respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
