Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
