i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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