That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
