addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
