She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When did angry sex become our thing?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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