Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
