Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
