I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We don't watch enough power rangers
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize