I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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