Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
