Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
