If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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