Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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