My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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