you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
