i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
