in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize