I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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