i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
