mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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