32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
