apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
