Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
