two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Why are your pants in the freezer?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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