I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
